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About ReptileGuy

  • Birthday December 2

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    Thrill Rides

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About Me

You're walking in the woods

There's no one around and your phone is dead

Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him

Shia LaBeouf

He's following you about thirty feet back

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint

He's gaining on you

Shia LaBeouf

You're looking for your car but you're all turned around

He's almost upon you now, and you can see there's blood on his face

My God, there's blood everywhere!

Running for your life

From Shia Labeouf

He's brandishing a knife

It's Shia Labeouf

Lurking in the shadows

Hollywood superstar Shia Labeouf

Living in the woods

Shia Labeouf

Killing for sport

Shia Labeouf

Eating all the bodies

Actual, cannibal Shia Labeouf

Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him

But you're hopelessly lost yourself

Stranded with a murderer

You creep silently through the underbrush

Aha! In the distance

A small cottage with a light on


You move stealthily toward it

But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap!

Gnawing off your leg

Quiet, quiet

Limping toward the cottage

Quiet, quiet

Now you're on the doorstep

Sitting inside, Shia Labeouf

Sharpening an axe

Shia Labeouf

But he doesn't hear you enter

Shia Labeouf

You're sneaking up behind him...

Strangling superstar Shia Labeouf

Fighting for your life with Shia Labeouf

Wrestling a knife from Shia Labeouf

Stab it in his kidney

Safe at last from Shia Labeouf

You limp into the dark woods

Blood oozing from your stump leg

You've beaten Shia Labeouf

Wait! He isn't dead, Shia surprise!

There's a gun to your head

And death in his eyes

But you can do Jiu Jitsu

(You can do it)

Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf

Legendary fight with Shia Labeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia Labeouf

You try to swing an axe at Shia Labeouf

But blood is draining fast from your stump leg

He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left

You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck

You're chopping off his head now...

You have just decapitated Shia Labeouf

His head topples to the floor, expressionless

You fall to your knees and catch your breath

You're finally safe from Shia Labeouf

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